Love in Time
Announcements
Debbie: Well, good morning everyone. I'm Debbie Manning, I'm one of the pastors on staff, and it is good to be together on a really beautiful summer day.
A little heads up, on the 23rd and 30th of August, the next two Sundays, there will be no kids programming, except for nursery. So if you have a child up to four years old, go ahead and use the nursery. Otherwise, we're gonna invite our kids to be in worship with us, give our teachers a break, a well-needed break, before we kick into the new programming year. So we're excited about that.
Along those lines, no worship on Labor Day. So do not show up here, because we will not be here. Enjoy it, I hope you're with friends, family, community, up at a cabin, but no worship service here at the table on Labor Day.
Kickoff, yes, kickoff is around the corner. (Crowd Cheering) September, whoo! September 13th, it feels so late this year, because of Labor Day, but we are literally gonna be rocking the house, and we are expecting like a full house, but we will have the street blocked off. We'll have a bouncy house or two. We will have a food truck. We will have fun. We will worship. It'll be awesome, so invite your friends, your family. Come and join us on Sunday, September 13th, for the kickoff of the new season of the church. So we're excited about that as well.
Let's see, what else do I have going on? Oh, my gosh, this community, which part of who we are, a mark of who we are, it's been our generosity. And once again, this year, we are partnering with our friends at Park Place for School Supplies the last two Sundays, and it was fairly spontaneous when it happened, but you guys all headed out to the gathering space and partnered up with the family for school supplies, and we are gonna be helping 52 kids with their school supplies this year.
Bekah and Graciela, who run that program, were like blown away that by the end of last Sunday, all those kids had been partnered up with. So we're excited about that, and those school supplies are due back here, August 23rd. So next Sunday, if you can bring them here, if you brought them, there's a table out in the gathering space that you can drop them off. But yeah, we're excited, and thank you. Thank you for your generosity and, you know, being good neighbors. So we love that.
Last but not least, we are kicking off something new this fall that we are calling "Connection Circles." Mark Hostlettler has been working hard with Justin and I and a team of leaders. We'll be having our first meeting on September 16th. We're gonna do two Wednesday evenings in September, two Wednesday evenings in October. I just held up three fingers. Two? I'm with too many littles all the time. And that will be a time for anyone who is new, newer, or maybe you've been here and you've just never gotten connected. You're not in a small group. You're not really serving anywhere, but you're ready to dive in. That'll be a time that you can come with people. You get to know a group of people. You get to know about who the table is, what we do, what we're about. You'll get to find out your own spiritual gifts and where you might be able to plug in. So if you're interested, you can go to our website. You can sign up there if you need childcare. Let us know because if there are people who would love to be a part of it, we will provide and need childcare. We'll provide that.
So that's all we have as we get ready. What's that? Oh, Labor Day. I said Labor Day. Marta, the preacher. The preacher's got her mind on her word for today. So with that, here's Marta.
Sermon
Marta: Don’t correct Debbie. Don't correct your boss right before you're supposed to go up and do something. Don't do that. The sermon's on forgiveness today, though, Debbie. (Laughter)
Good morning, church. My name is Marta, and I am the youth pastor here on staff. And being on staff here, and if you know me, you know I wouldn't say this if I didn't mean that, is truly the joy of my life. I love that I get to plan trips to Valley Fair and do lots of craft activities, working with middle schoolers and all different kids of ages, different ages. But I also get to be part of a community, like Ben talked about, through unmentionable tragedies, both individually and on a large scale. To be able to be part of a group of people that rally together to make a difference, as well as to sit in the silence with people and simply acknowledge what we're going through is really hard. This is truly the joy of my life, and I'm so grateful to be here.
I love the sermon series that we're in called Hills and Valleys, because I think, essentially, that's what it means to be human. Individually and collectively, we are constantly journeying through highs and lows of life, sometimes through really careful planning and individual steps. But more often than not, these hills and valleys both come through unexpected detours.
Last week, Debbie walked us through a lot of the hills and valleys of Joseph, whose story takes up nearly 14 chapters of Genesis. And one thing I love to do with Old Testament characters specifically is look at what their name means, because sometimes it can be a little thesis statement for what their story is. And so the name Joseph means "God will increase." And his life certainly gives God plenty of opportunities to do so.
Here you can get a little visual of all the hills and valleys that he's gone through leading up to where we are in our story today. He was his father's beloved son. That's where you get that coat of many colors that you may be from... I wouldn't... We could have just shown the movie or, like, done the musical. But they said no. (Laughter)
He was sold into slavery by his brothers. After being sold into slavery, he was purchased by Potiphar, who loved him so much, raised him to his head of his household. But then he was falsely accused of adultery with Potiphar's wife and thrown into prison, and then promoted to power because of his ability to interpret dreams. He's been full of hills and valleys, and now he's finally second in command over all of Egypt.
And this is where Joseph's story catches back up with the brothers who initially sold him into slavery. There's a famine in Egypt, and everyone is looking for food. And the brothers don't recognize Joseph, but Joseph recognizes them right away. And he does not immediately reveal himself. Instead, he puts them through a long series of tests, sending them back home and back to Egypt, and back in and out, a lot of miles walked by these brothers.
And eventually, what Joseph does is he secretly plants his silver cup in the bag of grain of his youngest brother, Benjamin. And then he sends his men after the brothers, after accusing Benjamin of stealing it. And Joseph declares that because Benjamin stole the silver cup, he must stay behind as a slave.
And that's when Judah, the same brother who years earlier, decades earlier, suggested selling Joseph into slavery steps forward. And he begs Joseph, "Please take me instead." He says that he cannot go home and tell their father that he's lost another son. And this is where our text for today picks up. [Genesis 45:1-15]
It says, "Then Joseph could no longer keep his composure. The room was crowded with people, so he ordered his attendants. He sent everybody out of the room. And Joseph didn't want anyone else in the room when he finally told his brothers his true identity. But he began to cry so loudly that the Egyptians heard it and the Pharaoh's household heard it too. And Joseph turned and addressed his brothers, "I am Joseph. Is my father still alive?" But his brothers were too shocked to speak. They couldn't answer, for they were so overwhelmed that they were standing in Joseph's presence.
And he said, "Come closer to me." His brothers approached him cautiously. And Joseph said, "I am your brother Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. Don't be upset or angry with yourselves any longer because of what you did. You see, God sent me here ahead of you to preserve life. For famine struck this land two years ago, and there are five more years in which there will be no plowing or harvesting. God sent me ahead of you to make sure you and your family survived this terrible ordeal and have a remnant left on earth. So it wasn't really you who sent me here, but God, the same God who made me advisor to Pharaoh, master of his household, and ruler over everyone in the land of Egypt. Now you see with your own eyes, and even my brother Benjamin sees, that it is really I who speak to you, even without an interpreter. You must tell my father how I am honored here in Egypt. Tell him everything you've seen here. Hurry, bring my father here."
And with that, he fell upon Benjamin's neck. They both embraced, and they both wept. Then he kissed all of his brothers one by one, cried on their shoulders as well, and after that, they talked for a long time together.
Maybe at some point in your life, you've been told that the Bible is an instruction manual for how to live. Stories, but stories like this, call that metaphor into question, because honestly, this feels far from the template on what forgiveness looks like. Rather than thinking of this story as a prescription on what to do and what not to do, I encourage you to see this story and scripture as a reflection of how God has shown up in the lives of messy people, so that we can continue to see how God shows up in the lives of messy people today.
In researching for this sermon, there were commentators who were flat out angry at and disgusted with Joseph and called him the villain of the story. Revenge, manipulation, a series of tests. I think we all know this isn't what we should do, but if we're honest, this is what we want to do. Because Joseph is so petty in the story.
Think of how many miles, like I said, he went walking back and forth before obliging their original request for food to live for their families. And if having them participate in an elongated shuffle relay, remember the presidential race when he had to go back and forth, that's longer than that, the lie of hiding his silver cup in Benjamin, their father's other favorite son, hiding it in his bag is manipulative and potentially abusive. Now that Joseph finally has the upper hand and authority and power, he instills fear beyond anything they've ever experienced.
It's trite and cliche, but I think whenever we're wronged, we start looking for ways in creating stories that we can win the breakup, right? I think most of us have practiced a monologue, either in the car driving to work or in the shower, of what we would say to those who have hurt us when we're alone. All the ways that I'm actually doing way better now, thank you, and present a perfectly polished script of all the ways that your life is better since they hurt you.
This is a silly story, but when I was in high school, my best guy friend in my crush of several years asked somebody else to prom instead of me. [Audience: Boo] Thank you. I was devastated and so angry, and so what does a high school girl in 2010 do, but post lyrics to Better Than Revenge by Taylor Swift on my Facebook? And then he slides into my inbox and he says, "Marta, I don't think as Christians we should be promoting songs about revenge." And I'm like, "This is about you! I'm mad at you!"
Like, that's what I wanted. I wanted revenge. I was so mad. And I think, at least for me, all of Joseph's actions that he took are instinctual at first pass of what we want to do when we've been hurt by someone. We want to make them feel their wrongdoing and we want them to come back groveling.
But Joseph's ploy is interrupted by something he doesn't expect. Decades ago, when Joseph had wrongfully been put in the situation, his brothers would have happily said, "Keep Benjamin as a slave. We don't want him back. Our father favors him anyway." But this time, Judah begs to replace his brother instead.
As God has been increasing in Joseph's life, he did not expect God to be doing the same in his brother's lives as well. In the years that have passed since the major wrongdoing, his brothers were growing and changing in their own ways. And he gets emotional. Joseph could have made a spectacle of this moment. Instead, he sends everybody in the room away. And this intimate moment ends up just being between the offender and the offended.
And I notice three things happening in Joseph, not necessarily as a prescription on how we should go to forgive others in our lives, but this is what I noticed Joseph doing in his story.
1) He names the hurt that occurred. 2) He releases his claim to revenge. 3) And he imagines a new relationship moving forward.
He starts off by saying, "I'm your brother who you sold into Egypt." And he doesn't go into detail of, "I'm the brother and I was so bruised and cut up in that pit, and I was so lonely and scared, being sold into a country I'd never been to, in a language I don't speak. I've been in prison. I have been cold." He doesn't go into all of those details of the consequences of the wrongdoing, but he also doesn't let them off the hook either.
He doesn't give the whole speech I'm sure none of us would blame him for giving. He simply says, "I'm your brother Joseph who you sold into Egypt." Forgiveness doesn't require pretending the hurt didn't happen. Forgiveness also doesn't require hashing out an agreed upon version of the past, discussing every single detail of what went down until everyone is on the same page of wrongdoing.
And before they move forward in creating something new, he puts a period at the end of the sentence of the narrative of hurt by releasing his claim to revenge. He says, "Don't be upset or angry with yourselves any longer because of what you did." And I do want to be really careful here because I know many of us are walking around with stories of being wronged far deeper than not being asked to prom than your crush, right?
Joseph was betrayed deeply by his brothers, one of the closest relationships you can have. But in this moment, he said, "It's time to put down the deep wounds that you are carrying around it." These brothers, as demonstrated by how they care for Benjamin, have wrestled and have been changed by the horrible night that they betrayed their brother.
I imagine that this is the first thing they thought of when they woke up and the last thing they thought of before they went to bed. They were certain that Joseph was dead and it was their fault, and they were torn up because of it. But Joseph says, "It's time for you to put that down."
I think about the words we sung earlier this morning, "Where sin runs deep, your grace is more. Grace is found is where you are, and where you are, I am free, because holiness is Christ in me." In this story, we see that grace is more. God is there, ever more increasing, in this brief but oh-so-important moment of release. It's only after acknowledging the hurt and releasing in grace that they can create a new relationship.
Joseph has clarity in how he is to show up in this new relationship with his family. He was put there to ensure that everyone had food to survive this very long famine. And again, I am not, this is a different, or let's see, this is a different monologue than he had prepared. I'm sure he had a, "Aren't you lucky that I ended up okay so that I'm the one you ended up in front of today?" But rather in a moment of clarity, Joseph is able to point to the ways that God was always increasing in order to preserve everyone in their family.
And please hear me say, I don't want to say that in our relationships, God sends bad and abusive people in scenarios to poke and prod us into where we need to go. Nor do I think all situations of forgiveness require maintaining contact in a deep knowing of each other. Frankly, I think that that's toxic theology and that's not in line with the message of good news.
Isaiah 61:1 outlines what I think the story of good news is, and it says, "He has sent me to bring good news to the oppressed, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and release the prisoners, to comfort all who mourn." And that is what I see going on in Joseph's very hilly story, all the way up to this moment.
This new relationship points to all the ways that God is at work, binding up the broken hearts of both parties in a way that is full of restoration. They hold each other. They cry, not just cry, but fully weep together. And it's after all this that they take a long time to talk together.
It's not like Joseph hops on a camel and has a triumphant journey home and picks up right where they left off. The family ends up relocating to Egypt later on, and Joseph stays in his role that he was promoted into. And now they need to learn together as a family what this relationship looks like moving forward. But again, this new relationship only becomes possible after the hurt has been named and the claim to revenge has been released.
I was thinking about the story in the context of the Lord's Prayer. We say this prayer together every week before communion, and it's going to be the foundation of our Middle School Bible study curriculum this year. So it's been top of mind this summer as I've been working through and planning things. And what I keep thinking about in this story is not so much the line of forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, which is certainly relevant to our conversation today, but rather the line that comes after it of, “lead us not into temptation.”
I think the process of forgiveness has its own temptations, the temptation to get even, to make sure they know just how well you're doing without them, the temptation to win the breakup. But I see God delivering Joseph from the temptation of winning the breakup despite his earlier best efforts to seek revenge. God increases in Joseph's story by offering true reconciliation with his family rather than forgiveness as a need to win.
This is a more compelling story to me, and it's much more difficult to live out because, like I said, left to my own devices, I want to win so badly to come out on top and make those who hurt me see it, but my faith tells me if I want God to increase, I need to step away from that temptation and step into offering grace as I have received it.
I want to close with a Mary Oliver poem that I've returned to in moments of complicated forgiveness. It's called "A Visitor," and it was published in 1986 when she was in her fifties. It's about her father, who was very abusive and hurtful to her when she was a little girl. I don't know if she ever actually had a moment of confrontation in real life, but I do love what this poem has to say.
She imagines her father standing on her front porch, knocking all night long. She says, "If I answer, I must be prepared for his waxy face, his lower lip swollen with bitterness, and so for a long time, I did not answer." She lets him knock for a long time until one day she said, "I knew I was saved, and I knew I could bear him." She opens the door and lets him in, and she ends the poem by saying, "And I looked into his blank eyes, in which at last I saw what a child must love. I saw what love might have done if we had loved in time."
And it's in that line, "I saw what love might have done had we loved in time that I see play out in this story." Joseph needed time. He could not have opened that door for his brothers likely any moment sooner in his life. Opening the door, both for Joseph and his brothers, and as well as for Mary Oliver and his father, doesn't excuse the wild atrocities that occurred.
It doesn't reset the relationship back to what it was. Opening the door doesn't mean giving them the key to your house and allowing unlimited access back into your life. Opening the door simply opens a chance for God to continue to increase. To learn to love in time is to trust that anger and hurt do not have to be the grand finale. Loving in time, whatever that time may be, is not about declaring a winner or a loser, but rather reorienting ourselves back to God and each other, trusting that there is still more life, more grace, and more love on the way.
At this time I want to invite up Tami Moberg. Each week in this series a member of our community is sharing part of their story of hills and valleys, and we've asked Tammy to share some of hers. She's been a dear part of our community for several years. Everyone please join me in welcoming Tammy Moberg.
Hills & Valleys Story
Tami: Hey guys. My heart's racing a little bit right now. Marta, thank you for your beautiful message. You said everything so well, I don't know if I have much to add. I first want to say how grateful David and I are for this church.
We've been here since the conception, and love it, and I love looking out and seeing so many people I don't know, and so many people I've known for a long time. I say this a lot, but I'm grateful for this church and how it has ministered to our family. I'm thankful for Deb and the way you guys have come around our family the last few years, and how you've loved us so well. I'm super grateful for Justin, David and I leave and go, "Wow, what a great fit for this church." We're just thankful for you and how you've ministered to so many of us, and you're here, and it's amazing. So, thank you.
I have appreciated this summer, the series we've been going through, and I think of Jacob and wrestling. I say all the time, and I've said this before, I feel like I walk around with a huge bruise on my hip, and I'm limping all the time because I'm continually wrestling.
I am up here today because I'm talking about the hills and valleys, and one valley that they wanted me to share on about forgiveness, and I think that's why my heart races, is that when Debbie asked me to share this story, which I think I shared at the table maybe 10, 11, 12 years, a long time ago, it's a story about my upbringing and the home I grew up in, and when I first was thinking about it, I'm like, "Man, I am so old." Either it is becoming so distant, or else I just put it away and I don't want to really think about it.
So, to begin with, I was born in St. Paul. My mom and dad were married at a young age, and my dad was a pastor of a huge Lutheran church up on the Iron Range when I was young, and then we moved down to Northeast Minneapolis and he took a big church at a Lutheran church in Northeast.
He was well loved. I mean, man, the church was full. He married lots of people, people loved him. If I ever got pulled over for a speeding ticket, all I'd have to say is, "My dad's Pastor John Palmquist," and he'd go, "Oh, honey, go ahead, it's okay." And I'd be like, "Awesome."
And all the things as a pastor's kid you grow up with, you know, at the end of church in the morning, we would greet everyone as they left the church, and my dad would be standing there in his white robe and his cloak and everything, and he'd have myself and my sister and my brother next to him, and we were this ideal family.
But when we would get home, and our life at home was pretty opposite what people knew about us. From a very young age, my dad, I remember not speaking to my mom for weeks. He was abusive. He would get angry, and it didn't matter. You didn't know what you were going to get. You could kind of have this one incident at school one day, and it would be like he didn't hear you, and everything would go fine. The next time you'd share something, you would be hit, put in your room, abused, separated, blah, blah.
And so what my parents did, my mom did to save us, who also struggled with her own mental health stuff because she had married an abuser, which she didn't know at the time when she was 20, is that she, my mom would put locks on all of our bedroom doors, and she would separate my brother and my sister and I so that there wouldn't be any fighting. We each had a TV in our room, a lock on the door, and that was how we did life, kind of. Because I think my mom had a fear that if we were together, there'd be so much fighting that that would escalate into more abuse and more pain. So that's what she did, to just probably save herself, too. I can't imagine being a young mom and going through that.
My parents ended up, after a while, after many years of abuse, it kept going on, you guys, through high school, through all the seasons. I was blessed, my brother and sister were, that we were sent to Minnehaha Academy in high school, 7th through 12th grade. My mom had attended Minnehaha, and she thought that that was where she wanted us to go.
So, as a young girl, I, as the oldest also, I would go to school lots of times in tears, hurt, not doing my work well, not studying like I should have, and those teachers and my deans came around us like you wouldn't believe. And the families that I would watch, I'm kind of a curious person, if you know me, and I love to know people and get to know people, and I would watch these moms who, like, got up in the morning and made breakfast for their kids. And that dads would come in and jump on our bed in the morning and say good morning and sing these songs, crazy weird songs, and get us out of bed.
And I just remember as a young girl, middle school, high school, watching how a woman would hold her coffee cup, watching how a dad would talk to his kids, watching them have dinner around a table. We never had dinner around a table. All those things I would do, and I just took it all in thinking, that's what I want to be when I grow up, that's how I want to have my family. I would just want to be just like them.
As the years went on, I hid a lot of things. Minnehaha was a school that there was a lot of amazing families, and I felt lots of times like I didn't fit in. Like, I just, we didn't have a lot of money. We didn't have a good family. I didn't have a lot of sleepovers at my house because I didn't know what would happen.
My mom was in bed, lots of nights and days. And so, I don't know what I was going to say there, but it was one of those things that I kept, my anxiety would grow, my anxiety would grow. I had so much resentment, so much pain. This went into my college years after meeting my husband. I hardly told David anything about my life at home. I wanted to appear like everything was okay.
And I could fake it. I could fake it and make it sound like everything was good until it wasn't. And then David saw some of the pain and some of the abuse. And I remember, and it's funny how so many memories I have, I can't really remember very good, but I know what I was wearing. I know where David was standing and where we were when my dad looked at David out of rage and said, "You can have her. I never wanted her.”
So, that was hard. And that led into a lot of panic attacks, a lot of anxiety. We were married now. We had little babies. And I knew I couldn't keep going. My dad was stalking our house. I had him arrested. My mom had someone sleeping in her home with a gun in the hallway because she was fearful for her life and my sisters. Life was messy.
Then my dad got sick with cancer, and he was really sick. And something, after kind of going through different times and seasons of feeling so much anxiety, I know someone told me, "Tami, you weren't meant to carry this. You're not meant to carry this. This weight." It was almost like someone was, I was carrying bundles of encyclopedias around on my back. I was bent over. I couldn't carry it.
And someone said, "You were never meant to carry that." And something in me, and I know it's the Holy Spirit, said, "You've got to let God carry this for you. You've got to be able to hand this over." "I'm not going to be a good mom. I'm not going to be who God has called me to be."
So that's kind of the story. After my dad got sick, I leaned in instead of out because leaning in was to help myself. I sometimes think my forgiveness is almost selfish. I needed to forgive him because it was killing me. So as he got sicker, I decided to go and take care of him for months, bathe him, dress him, sit with him.
And what Marta alluded to a little bit in her talk was that sometimes we are offering forgiveness and giving forgiveness to so many people who will never hear, "I'm sorry." He died. He never said he was sorry. We never had that conversation. And that's okay because I think that is what Marta was talking about in her talk too, is that following Christ, and I think you guys would agree forgiveness like that is one of the greatest acts of faith because I am counting on God handling it.
I am counting on God figuring this out. It's not my job. It's not my job to carry it. I'm not called to be revengeful or retaliate or that kind of thing. I'm called to follow Christ. And I think he said forgive because he knew what it would do to us. And I think that is what I really learned. And even I think now how God has worked all these years because I'm so old now, but I think what he prepared me that I was going to have to forgive a lot in my life.
After our son Ben came out 10, 12 years ago, we face a lot of comments from our community, a lot of comments from our family. And I have had to practice forgiveness a ton. And I think what Marta said again is right. I don't have to be, I can forgive you, but I don't have to be in relationship with you. I can pull up that drawbridge and I can say, you know, this, I'm going to protect my family. I'm going to protect my kids. I'm going to protect myself.
And I think I will continue to forgive or try, man, the humanness in me wants to just kick you in the face, you know, but and when you touch my kids, the mama bear comes out and I am not very nice. So God is continually reminding me to forgive and to live in that because it's not meant for us to carry and he knew that he knew that it would tear me apart and I wouldn't be who he called me to be. So that's my story. Thank you.
Words of Institution
Justin: Thank you, Tami. And thank you, Marta, for your words as well. Forgiveness is beautiful and it's messy and it's complicated. And as we prepare to come to this table today, we do so recognizing the grace and the mercy that is at this table.
And as we eat the bread that represents the body of Christ and we drink the cup that represents the blood of Christ, we're reminded of the overwhelming mercy of a God who deeply and fiercely loves us.
And so we have a freedom. We have a freedom to approach this table as people who value and believe in the power of forgiveness, but also as people who recognize that forgiveness is rarely simple.
I love the idea that Marta brought out in her sermon today and what was so evident in Tami's words is that we learn to love in time. That's not an excuse for the past. It's not a license to let go of what may have happened or what could happen. It is just simply learning to love each other. And so when Jesus was on the cross, he said those famous words, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."
And in those words, I hear so much grace and so much love. And so because of that, we get to make room for all of it today. We get to make room for the anger, for the resentment, for the healing, for the reconciliation and for the love. God understands and Jesus will meet us in all of it.
On the night that Jesus was betrayed, he took bread and broke it and said, "This is my body given for you. Take and eat in remembrance of me."
And in the same way, after the supper, he took the cup and said, "This is the blood of my new covenant, as often as you drink. Drink in remembrance of me."
So as we prepare to come forward, just a few logistics for you. If you are seated in front of the orange tape line, we ask you to come forward to this station. And if you are behind the orange tape line, we ask you to go to the station in the back. And if you are in the back, you will exit on this aisle and you'll return to your seat down this aisle. We do practice open communion here at the table, which means that anyone and everyone is welcome to come and participate. We practice intention, so you will take your gluten-free bread, dip it into the cup, it's grape juice, you'll consume it, and then you'll head back to your seat. And in prayer today, a member from our care team, Hannah, will be in the back and she would be so happy to pray with you and pray for you.
So with that, if you would please stand either in body or in spirit, and we'll pray together as Jesus taught us: Our God, who art in heaven…